It’s been a hard couple of days. I think I’ve wanted to cry almost every day this week. The book project is on a mega hold. People have lives and I can’t fault anyone for that but I also can’t move forward if I have nothing to keep moving with. The book is currently in one of my reader’s hands and they haven’t had the time to read it. As I said people have lives and I respect that.
So where does that leave me other than as a main contestant for the waiting game? Well I have the advertising plan worked out and I have the book description written. I worked on the copyrights and I’m still holding off on my acknowledgements till after I have everything done. I guess I should work on getting my pay pal account worked out or work on my bios and author’s picture for all the sites.
So far I’m having a lot of issues with the cover. From getting the right colors and pictures to just having the right font size and type. At this point I’m just tired of playing with it and have pushed to the side for distance and space from the project. The feedback has been really awesome and people have been super supportive but what good is all this if I can’t get anyone to read it. I'm not even sure people are reading this blog?
Anyway, I have one more run at this cover left in me and to be honest I really don’t want to do it. I have model that’s willing to take pictures for me but I feel uncomfortable about the whole thing. I really don’t know where to take her picture or what kind of poses I’m looking for. I’m not really sure what to do legally so that I can use these pictures either. I guess I have to go about getting a consent form and having her sign it. The deeper I get into the cover project the more I just want to pay the five dollars to get the rights to the photo from PhotoStock.com and call it a day.
Unfortunately, with distance and time from the actual written work I'm getting less and less confident that any of this is a good idea. I want to be a writer, I want to be a published writer, and furthermore I just want to be good at it. I worry about the story not having a thick enough plot, the jokes falling flat and the content being immature and unoriginal. I feel like this is a cruel joke I’m wasting my time on. I feel like everyone I know isn’t going to get it.
Strangers not getting it I can handle, people I don’t know who are going to tear this part have me shrugging my shoulder and saying so what? But it’s the people I do know that have me running for the closet. It’s all those people who are going to read it and be extremely disappointed. And that’s the bottom line I guess, I’m just afraid I’ll disappoint everyone and that feeling is pretty shitty.
So there it is, I’m in the eye of the storm for the book project. I’m currently just sitting around waiting for the ball to get rolling again. To have something to work on, or something to distract myself. I’m on the 9th chapter of my new story to be released on Fanfiction at the end of the month. I’m also working on the final since for Getting Rid of Steven Rodgers. So I guess in a way Jamiesgirl has been just as busy as Anais, but don’t even get me started on Punkpoet, she’s been writing poetry left and right lately. I blame it all on my twisted feelings.
How do I manage to juggle so much and not run into myself? The world may never know.