Seven years is a long time to be in love with the same person these days, especially for people our age. Nowadays people are together for a lot of reasons, kids, cheaper rent, and fears of being alone. I mean in 2014 it’s all about the marriage certificate not the relationship.
I’d never say my relationship is perfect, but, I will say my relationship is healthy. We talk every day, we always push through an argument until everything is out in the open, we say I love you like a million times and we hang out like best friends. This man makes me happy, he keeps me centered, he’s great at distracting me from my own mind, which could kill me under the pressure of its weight, and most importantly we both think I’m adorable.
We’ve always been pressured, teased and interrogated about getting married, having babies and buying houses. That’s just the circle of life as we were taught. You find someone, you date them, marry them, duplicate yourself and move everyone into a happy little house with a fence, preferably in the white and picket variety.
My boyfriend thinks getting married in your 20’s is too young. He thinks our 30’s is a better age for all that “adult business.” In the meantime I’m squeezing my temples as I think about being fat and pregnant in my 30’s when my career is supposed to be rock solid. I’m biting my nails as I watch my father decay from diabetes hoping he keeps his feet long enough to walk me down the aisle or play with his grandkids and enjoy them. Don’t even get me started on my Grandmothers being alive and able … I already lost my Grandmother Rosa this week. God rest her soul.
Another matter is that I’m rolling my eyes because when I’m 30 years old we would have been together for 11 years and by then everyone won’t even be surprised or excited about the fact that I’m getting married. It’s going to be more like open sighs of relief or waves of “It’s about time” murmurs. To be honest after 11 years a big fancy wedding would be ridiculous. I’d have to downsize… I’d give up a lot of my wedding dreams.
Our family dynamic is different in many ways. He is the youngest of five, the pressure for him to do anything is really minimal. His parents aren’t as traditional or as involved or as demanding and let’s be honest there’s always a double standard for boys. I on other hand, it’s complicated to explain, I’m a middle kid/oldest kid. Oldest for my mom, middle for my dad. My position as always been one of the oldest, the most responsible, the one to succeed, the one to be more sensible. My parents are so involved in my life it’s a little over bearing and no matter how old I am I will always be their baby girl.
Needless to say my ass is on the line constantly, not just from my family, but from my own life plans and expectations of what I had in mind for me. Unfortunately the man I’ve picked does not agree with my timeline of events and how they should happen.
In all honesty, sometimes I feel like he’s right, and I’m scared about marriage and what it means financially, I’m scared about having babies and what will happen to my body and sanity. I’m scared of buying a house and having to explain my credit history and pay property taxes and being an adult in a big bad way.
But damn it if I don’t look around and say, come on already! I’m here. I’m ready I picked a boy let’s get on with this shit before my eggs knit a freaking scarf!
Waiting isn’t horrible. I love our lifestyle and our simple down to earth kind of happiness. He’s a man that I enjoy laughing with, enjoy planning with, and moneywise, our problems will get better with time and experience. We’ve been working on our trouble spots and growing up together. I guess if there was anyone I had to wait on, I’m happy it’s him. He’s such a nice guy.
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