I feel trapped. Not physically but emotionally.
The little sis is moved in and cozy. My mom’s dog has also moved in temporally. I feel like these life changes are not as drastic as I braced myself for. Now I’m all tensed up and nothing to smash against…
However on a personal level since falling off my diet, I feel like shit. I feel like it’s harder than ever to jump back on. For whatever reason I’m having a rough time keeping up with my medication. So I’m more than sure my ups and downs are attributed to the fact that I’m not properly taking my anti-depressants.
I also hate everything in my closet. Maybe it’s the five pounds I’ve managed to gain back or just the weather change and my three sweaters, but I want something new. Even my hair is boring me these days but I’m really not sure what to do with that either.
As a writer I have been putting time into my work during my free time. I have a fan-fiction in the works with a release planned for December. It’s about a phone sex operator who is putting herself through school and trying to make ends meet. She meets a guy and he coaxes her from her mundane phone sex duties into a world of real life feelings. She starts to learn new things, she changes and opens up to people.
The book I’m working on is currently on Chapter 5. I’ve been working on it during my lunch breaks, on my weekends. Just polishing it and working through each chapter slowly. I’m still crafting what I want out of this book. Do I want it to be just about her father who was a serial killer? Do I want to be about this socially awkward girl on a road trip with her non friends? Do I want it to be about girl and boy finding God? Do I even want God involved?
This third book unlike the first two… I want it to make a statement as to who I am as a writer. And I do believe that it is doing that. I just wish so much crap wasn’t happening in my life while I was writing it. Seriously. Do you know how hard it is to be inspired at the same time you have the free time to write?
It’s like the stars, chores, dogs, workflow, parents, and everyone else’s problems have to get alinement.
I guess this weekend I’m going to try to figure out a diet plan and buy some fall clothes for my closet. I have got to get my ass back on the ball here. For now we’re just gonna call this period The Eye of the Storm.