Why All The Drama?

March 25, 2016

We love a story.


At this point, maybe it is just me. I have this problem with my family and admittedly with some of my friends. We go around and around about issues that could be resolved with a simple fix and it never goes as it should. I lose my temper they lose theirs its endless. Why all the drama?


I do think that some people enjoy the drama of conflict. They get off on it. They like the adrenaline, the rush, the rage, and the energy that it brings. There’s nothing better than having juicy gossip about something to talk about.  We all do it. Talking about someone behind someone else’s back is unavoidable. 


Everyone has an opinion and in the age of Facebook, it’s often to feel unheard, overlooked, or give words more power than they should.


Drama can have secondary gains, it’s true. Someone else’s drama has its benefits. Even your own drama has upsides that you get from a certain behavior, even an unwanted behavior. For example, the upside to feeling victimized might be a self-imposed excuse to overeat or abuse alcohol. There are many secondary gains we get from any situation.


Drama can be a distraction from focusing on our own lives. I’ve learned that trying to deal with your stuff and make yourself happy, can be overwhelming. As silly as that sounds but we do live in a world of if only this one more thing… That can make anything a challenge and difficult. If you have something or someone to be mad at, it can help you to disengage with looking at yourself deeply. Have you finished that project you wanted to complete? Are you struggling with a loss you haven’t dealt with? Drama can channel energy away from what you really need to be focusing on.


It's just like watching TV when you know damn well you should be cleaning your house.


Drama is also something very familiar to people and can be a thing of comfort. It is what it is unfortunately, some people grew up in dysfunctional homes or within families where addiction or trauma was present. I mean this is bound to create chaos, unclear boundaries, and teach people that engaging in conflict (even bad behavior conflict) is the way to behave and live your life. We are drawn to what we know. It is not unusual for people to find themselves in these emotionally loaded scenarios again and again because they are drawn back into this old stuff.


Drama brings on chemicals that are released in anger that can feel addicting. Look when you engage in drama and people are feeding into it, taking sides, giving you advice. It can give someone a thrill, a sense of being heard, involved, and maybe even relevant for a while. NOTE: I’m very much not a doctor or wise beyond my years. I’m just an observer so my explaining of how the dopamine get released when your angry and can possibly feed the feel good parts of our brains … well you get what I mean. It’s my opinion.


Drama, as I’ve seen so many, many times also can give someone an exaggerated sense of importance. This I know too well, and first hand. If someone is the object of anger or derision, it could feed a need to be seen or to feel like a vital part of people’s lives. My parents and I fought a lot while I was going through college life and even just first year on my own life. This part does come from a place of wisdom, be careful not to ignore your kid because a child will seek bad attention versus no attention.


No one wants to be on the outside. Or feel isolated.


Bottom line. We love a story. Call it The Bystander Phenomenon. Nosy. Lookie-Lou’s whatever.


You know what I am talking about even if you think you don’t. Picture it, there’s a car accident on the side of the road. We are always prone to slow down because we just can’t miss out on what is happening. There’s even a term here in chicago. We call it a gapers block or gapers delay. We want to know what’s going on. News agencies are constantly feeding this need with incredulous, awful stories that they hope we can’t tear ourselves away from.


And we don’t because face it. We love a story.


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