I hate the term Bridezilla. It implies that if at any point I voice my opinion, I’m automatically a city-destroying monster.
Can we all agree that the whole bridezilla issue is less about women being bossy, and more about the challenges of learning to say no without being all high drama about it? Ultimately, it boils down to setting and enforcing personal boundaries. It's a delicate line. How can you make your needs clear without steamrolling other people's concerns and comfort levels? How can you say no without stomping a high-rise?
It's really about knowing what I want, and taking responsibility for communicating it effectively. It's not about everyone having to do what I say because I’m the bride. It's about understanding myself and being clear with others. Because boy oh boy, do people have opinions. Usually when I visit people this is how the conversation goes. “Oh don’t let anyone take over your wedding. This day is all about you. It’s your wedding. But…”
And that’s where I just start nodding and just telling them that their ideas are amazing.
It is what it is. People have their speeches prepared. And at the end of the day it comes from a place of love, so I listen to them as politely as possible. Because part of being a good bride. Is making sure everyone feels appreciated and helpful. It is a family event. And my family loves and cares for me so much.
And no matter how loud, and extreme they maybe with their ideas, I can only say something like, “Thanks so much for your input about the wedding! I'm still in the information-gathering phase, but I'll keep your ideas in mind.
I feel like when it comes to wedding planning, I’m at that stage where I can stop looking at inspiration, and start hammering out what we really want. I feel solid in my rustic theme and the vision me and my fiancé share. We love a relaxed comfortable feel. We live a very relax comfortable and down to earth way.
So our wedding will reflect this.
Personally I am a people pleaser. Right off the bat, I know this. I almost always end up saying "Well, ok" or "I guess that will work," when I really mean "No, that’s not happening," on a certain level I know I allow my emotional state to be controlled by other people. And this wedding is very large test in being able to stand up for myself.
A lot of drama week one was because everyone feared my voice wasn’t heard. That I was letting other people talk and plan things for me. This also doesn’t go well because in hand with being a people pleaser when I feel pushed around or pressured, there is a strong reflex in me to push back and push back HARD. Always has been.
So to help me in establishing our wedding boundaries I put two people in charge of the planning. I told them everything I want and what I want everything to look like. These two people should help in keeping my boundaries from being pushed my inner bridezilla from ever coming to surface.
At least in theory anyway.