I'm 29. Is this real?

January 6, 2017

Technically I’m still in my “twenties” yet, the difference between who I am now versus who I was at age 20 is like the difference between a Kardashian and Hillary Clinton.


Now don’t get anything twisted. I’m twenty-nine years old and the only thing I really have figured out is that I don’t have anything figured out. Unfortunately, it’s right about now that I also realize- shit, I’m running out of time.


I have to be responsible. No one is gonna be like, “Oh, you don’t have your life figured out yet? You’re still young, don’t worry!” Because guess what? I’m not young. I should have it together. Next year is 30. It means something to turn 30. People expect shit from you when you’re THIRTY.


I scroll through my Facebook feed and it seems like 50% of all my 29 year old friends are buying homes and having children and, like, excelling at their careers. And, the other 50% are trying to relive the heydays of their 21st birthdays… every goddamn weekend.


God, I look back at 21 and cringe. So cocky! So self-assured! So wrong… about… everything. I’d like to just forget that space of my existence and just keep moving forward.


I keep looking at my younger sister and saying things like, enjoy your youth! I remember what that was like when I was your age. God, I’m old. You’ll grow out of that.


It’s mortifying. I’ll be going about my day using my normal voice when all of a sudden the voice of my mother/father will come in as if I have been possessed! The transformation into being old and parental has begun!


What the hell happened? One day, I woke up and I was a totally different person. I was like, I want a dog; I want to wake up early on the weekends and get shit done; I need to find the local farmer’s market; I have hangovers now and it’s awful, kill me, kill me, kill me.


On the other hand, I feel like I’m in a throwaway time of life. I’m still young enough to be crazy, but old enough to know better, but I’m also sort of grown so it doesn’t matter. It’s almost like I’m flying under the radar and I’m free to do whatever the hell I want to do, which is true pretty much about any time in my life, but it’s especially prominent right now.


I guess, I should be enjoying it. Hell, I’m getting married this year! I have a newfound love for wine. I’ve lived through three decades, I remember what life was like before the internet! I’ve lived through things. I’ve seen things. I have the life experience of 29 years. Nobody can take that from me!


So bring it on life. I’m ready. 


***Pro tip: don’t look at graphs about what happens to a woman’s eggs after age 30. Don’t do it. DON’T. DO. IT.

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