Wedding planning requires making lots of controversial decisions, whether it's choosing a destination location over your hometown, having a DJ instead of a band, or forgoing a church in favor of the court house. In my opinion, the hardest part of wedding planning is listening to everyone (Usually all at once,) and problem solving as quickly as the concerns/problems roll in.
It’s frustrating. Answers come out rushed, the first thing you say, you instantly regret. Feelings are always hurt and everyone communicates differently. Being a bride suddenly means you’re not just managing your own finances, you’re thinking about 10 other households and not stepping on 20 different toes.
I’m tired all the time. I’m tired of fighting. And I don’t want this wedding to destroy friendships I’ve spent years building. Which is why I’ve canceled the bridal shower. My Fiancé and I understand that times are hard. Initially we were going to through our own bridal shower. I wanted one and just because I want one didn’t mean I needed someone else to pay the bill.
Somehow in the mist of arguing, my maid of honor decided to take over the job. I wish, I could say this made things easier, but it didn’t. To make a long story shorter. I don’t want to put yet another financial burden on my friends.
Bridal showers aren’t what they use to be. Once upon a time showers existed primarily to help a bride-to-be put together a "trousseau," which was historically made up of traditional dowry items like lingerie, linens, and items for the home.
But when families stopped marrying off their daughters based on their perceived economic value, trousseaus evolved, and so did bridal showers. Commonly thrown by the mother-of-the-bride's friends, the future mother-in-law, or a group of bridesmaids (or, occasionally, all of the above), today's showers are less about gifts and more about getting together to celebrate the occasion. Presents are still a significant part of it, but so are Pinterest-approved decorations and hors d'oeuvres.
I don’t really need any of the traditional gifts that are associated with a shower. It's common to cohabitate before marriage these days, I already have all the dishes, silverware, and toasters I could ever need by the time the ceremony rolls around. Once you're self-sufficient, it feels weird to ask for stuff, and that's the only reason to have those events, so I’m skipping it.
It’s a bummer, not going to lie. I was looking forward to bridal shower games and feeling pretty awesome in my “I’m getting married,” glow. But other things are more important. And I get that.
Besides, if I really feel like I'm missing out, I'll just do it myself.